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Douchebag Gumbo: Sexism, Racism w/a hint of Homophobia
Uhmm, uhm, that boy can eat! Ok, so I’m not a John Mayer fan as such (I just know the two or three songs) and I’m not NOT a John Mayer fan but I have a few water cooler thoughts on his recent “situation” and I’m just gonna hit this quick and dirty.
John Mayer IS a douche – Let’s just get that out in the open.
Anybody who hasn’t managed to learn the ability to harbor, at the very least, an infinitesimal amount of filtering, at his age, is a Douche. Not EVERYTHING we think needs to be said. This has nothing to do with being politically correct or not being politically correct and has everything to do with using a little decorum, also know as tact.
I find it so interesting that the media is focusing so much on Mayer’s bizarro race-bagging as if that were the ONLY thing wrong with his Playboy interview. As I read through it, admittedly skipping all the yadda, yadda, yadda, I was like damn, he put all kinds of feet in his mouth, honestly, it’s hard to imagine how he actually managed to utter a semi-apology, as reported…maybe that’s why he got choked up, not so much the emotion, as too many feet in mouth? Perhaps.
Is he sexist? Well, if you can look past his overtly sexual, misogynistic, objectification of the women he’s loved and left, than perhaps not. I do think there are some serious underlying couch-worthy issues when it takes “300 vagina’s” worth of porn to get you off. However you classify it, Mayer clearly has issues with women, I mean, sexual napalm? Dude.
“Have you ever been with a girl who made you want to quit the rest of your life? Did you ever say, I want to quit my life and just fuckin’ snort you? If you charged me $10,000 to fuck you, I would start selling all my shit just to keep fucking you.”
He feels all that yet keeps referring to Simpson as, that girl rather than by name. Ouch.
All of this, of course, says more about him than it does about her. Think back to the last time you heard someone publicly lauding his sexploits (which truth be told is a sure sign that he isn’t any good). Does a 16 year old, high school kid ring a bell?
Mayer brought up being 32 years old in 9 separate instances (8 times too many) throughout the interview, as if, 32 is some footloose and fancy free, excusable age for crude behavior. Like 32 is young. News Flash! 32 is not young, it’s not old either but it’s certainly old enough to discern the difference between, “clever & witty” and base & classless.
I don’t know where to even begin on the racial front. Once again, repeat after me, let’s say it altogether people: White people (social construct or no) CANNOT use the N word. It doesn’t matter the context, it doesn’t matter how many Black friends you have, it doesn’t matter where you grew up, it doesn’t matter if those Black friends of yours use the word excessively – YOU cannot use it. Is it fair, is it right, is it wrong? It doesn’t matter. You can’t use it, just like I still can’t walk into certain towns in the deep south after dark (even in 2010 with an African-American president). Umkay? Kay.
And can we just talk briefly about Playboy’s intro paragraph?
“A candid conversation with the tabloids favorite rock star about Jennifer Aniston, Jessica Simpson, being an honorary Black man and why the best sex happens alone”
We saw this happen with Clinton as well. Just because you have more than 5 Black friends does not make you honorary Black. Nor is there any “hood” pass to be granted. How dare you, Playboy for even asking such a ridiculous question. So, all Black folks are hoods? or were you specifically calling JayZ, Common and the like hoods? Where was Playboy planning on going with that exactly? And John, you should have recognized that attempting to “intellectually” answer such an idiotic question was the perfect recipe for becoming, insta-fool. And for the record, we only have ONE honorary Black and that’s Teena Marie. C’mon!
Then there is the all out (of the blue) attack on Kerry Washington, WTF? Has he ever even met her? Did she turn him down at some point? And now she’s the archetype for Heartbreak Warfare? Talk about injury to insult. It wasn’t enough for Mayer to all but call Washington a dick-sucking, heartbreaking, whore but he then had to go and call her “white-girl crazy” too? WOW. Oh the irony! It just so happens that Kerry Washington is currently starring on broadway in David Mamet’s new play, RACE. A theatrical piece about, among other things, the subtleties of modern day racial bigotry. – Um, you might want to check that out John. Just sayin’.
I’m not even going to touch his self-proclaimed, “white-supremacist-david duke-cock” which obviously is too insecure to even approach a Black woman nor am I going to discuss the horror of possibility that his sex face might closely resemble his singing face. Yerg. No, no I’m gonna move right on to Mayer’s use of the slur, “Fag” to describe homosexuals in his disturbing re-count of a New Years french-kiss shared with Perez Hilton (the retelling of that story has scarred me for life)
I’m not so much wondering about his use of the word (a douche is as a douche does) but where in the hell is GLAAD? I mean, Isaiah Washington had to publicly apologize, go to rehab, film a public service announcement AND embark on a gay apology tour! That dude jumped through mad hoops only to be subsequently fired from Grey’s Anatomy anyways! Where’s the brigade now that Mayer’s use of the same word has been immortalized in print? Hmmm.
If you ask me, all Black women in Mayer’s vicinity dodged a bullet. Dude has obviously found the Being John Mayer portal into his own brain. And what he really needs to do right now is spit himself back out onto the NJ turnpike so he can start doling out some sincere, non-narcissistic, public apologies to Aniston, Simpson, Washington, every African-American, and all Gays. In the meantime, his hood pass has been revoked!
